I think I am an a$$ hole.

I cried so badly 93 days ago thinking whether I would get to see her or even hear from her ever again. Today, I finally got my chance to look her in the eye and talk to her, I decided not to take the chance. I mean I let my emotions take control and didn’t want to talk her due to her ignoring my message when it was on the 48th day since.

Actually I can find a lot of ways to talk to her. For example, be early. Today I decided to go to work voluntarily. No one does that except one of my colleague. Anyway, I just went back to clear some stuff so that I can be late to meet them. I was afraid that I might meet one of my ex-colleague on the way, that’s the reason why I chose to do something different. Going to work. Its dumb, there are obviously other better options but I chose to do this. Lol. In the end, I ended up leaving office at around 12. Reached the location at around 12.40pm. I took my time actually, strolled to the train station to the place they were at. Even when I am at the counter, I admit I was taking my time to get myself in.

All to avoid seeing and talking to her. After so long and finally I get the chance and I decided to blew it up. Lol.

I was thinking what if I came early. What if I told them that I am on time, will she still be on time? Will we actually get to talk to one another? I don’t know.

In fact, when we were at the table, there wasn’t even a moment that we were left alone. Either I went on to grab some stuff, she went on, or someone else went but leaving one person to join us. I never had the chance to really talk to her one to one.

Actually there were opportunities to talk to her or make a comment that she was talking about and probably she could make comments as well. I didn’t take the chance. I let it go. I thought probably I shouldn’t even be here. She probably didn’t want to see me at all or hear from me at all.

I don’t know.

All I can say now is we are at the 93 days mark. With a new day added in. 93 days, 0 day. Probably until we got together and talk like we used to then the counter will stop? I don’t know. I don’t even know if we will ever meet again? This time I really don’t know. It felt its the end?


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